the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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