Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
