This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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