Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
