WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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