I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
