There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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