Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
