is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
