I think I won the penis lottery.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
