if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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