There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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