She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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