I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
