dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
