If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You ruined the universe
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
