im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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