Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
