I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
