New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
