So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Randomize
