Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
