I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
She even gives head with a lisp.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
