i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
It all started with a game of naked twister.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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