we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
