I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Hippo gnu deer
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
