We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize