everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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