Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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