so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
All the doctor said was why
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
