i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
