I'm going to jail i love you
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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