All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm too high and old for this...
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