remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
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