there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
