I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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