it's great music for shaving your balls
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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