I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
