Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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