he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
