Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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