I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
My feet surprised me
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