His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
