i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
