dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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