Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
