this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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