Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
MIDGETS
????
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
