I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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