There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
