Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
