Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
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