I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
