According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
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