dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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