everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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