Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
