I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Randomize
