you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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