remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
