sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
