I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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