The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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