You're so nebulous sometimes
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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