I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
