I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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