i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
