Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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