Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I touched a dick in church today
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
