Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Be still, my beating vagina.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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