let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
