just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
