I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
