did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
