She said her name was "party"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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