There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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