Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
a search helicopter?!
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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