At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize