We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
