my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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