Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
