i just had sex bonerless
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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