Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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