If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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