he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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