Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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