He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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