so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
