His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
