New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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