I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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