She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
