I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
