Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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