You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
