i just wanna soil my oats bro
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
