My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
he fucked my hip out of place.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
