Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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