Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
