I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
