After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
