ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
