how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
