This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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