I feel great
I just peed on a car
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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