don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
