if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
