im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
