I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
