She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
