I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
