Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
