um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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