Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
